The early days after birth

An EnglishMum in New York

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Guest post: Fashion journalist Hannah Rand moved to New York shortly before the birth of her baby Mattie. Here she talks about a few things she’s learnt from the experience of first-time motherhood. 

As always, these are her personal opinions and we’d love to hear your thoughts on them…

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10 things I wish I’d been told while I was pregnant.

1. Drink (a lot) more water.

It lessens at least three common complaints: oedema (aka water retention aka painful, swollen ankles/feet/hands/fingers/face), constipation (yes it will happen to you), and evil migraines that come from nowhere.

2. Spend money on maternity clothes.

People may tell you to wear one size up and bodge the rest together with those big elastic belly bands but you will be much more comfortable (and feel like yourself) with a small capsule wardrobe of good quality, fashionable gear.*

3. Invest in a few stylish nursing tops and bras if you plan to breastfeed.

They’ll make life a lot more convenient if you want to nurse when you are out and about, and your boobs will swell to ginormous proportions that require specialist bra support.

3. Buy the majority of your baby hardware secondhand.

Buggies, cots, prams, carriers, swings etc are monstrously expensive and frankly you’ll have no idea what will work for your baby and you. Source gear from community parent websites and the local paper (being able to see the person selling will be more reassuring than random eBay purchases). Manufacturers, such as Bugabo, sell new covers and most are washable anyway if you are worried about hygiene.

4. …then use the money you save to keep your hair looking nice.

Your nails, skin and hair look fabulous in the second and third trimesters so use it to your advantage. As your hormones, digestive system and other bodily functions go haywire, the fact your hair looks good will keep you going.

4. Feed, feed, burp, and then feed again.

The feed-every-hour schedule of a newborn only lasts about four to six weeks (which will feel an interminable amount of time when you’re in it but is over very quickly, I promise). Young babies needs are very basic and imposing a schedule at this tender age will stress you both out more than is necessary.

5. Don’t feel bad about formula.

The breastfeeding mafia may strongly oppose early formula use but I have always given my breastfed baby (now two months old) at least one bottle a day, to give myself (and nipples) a break. You have to give your body and soul over to a newborn baby and the persistent physical neediness of the little things can be exhausting. Plus, they’ll have to take a bottle sooner or later, so save yourself some hassle and get them used to the concept.

6. Pass on aesthetically-pleasing baby equipment.

Your young baby has trashy taste. Swings that move wildly and play tinny music will double the nap time of anything more gentle. Activity mats and toys that have bells and whistles (literally) and bright colours will keep your little lunatic busier than anything that coordinates with your home decor.

7. Cut out cows’ milk.

If your child is gassy or fussy and you are breastfeeding, eat your cereal or porridge with coconut milk (not the stuff you cook with but the type you find in the dairy aisle) or almond milk instead. It is just as tasty, if not more, and often contains more calcium and iron than regular milk and may reduce the gas in your baby.

8. Understand sleep begets sleep.

Unlike older children who may need to be kept awake during the day in order for them to sleep at night, a young baby will sleep better if she or he is well rested. In the fussy afternoon hours, take your baby out for a walk to calm her down before bedtime. (Don’t believe me? Note how your baby will need another nap about an hour after she wakes up from a full night’s sleep.)

9. Read the baby books while you are pregnant.

You won’t have time to read the newborn/young baby books once he or she is born.

10. Savour every minute of those early stages.

You might be hallucinating from lack of sleep but a newborn is rare, precious thing and you’ll be packing away those newborn onesies to make way for bigger clothes sooner than you know it.

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Do you agree with these tips? Let us know what you think on Twitter or Facebook.

*Hannah’s favourite purchase from Babes with Babies for her pregnancy was the Stella maternity and breastfeeding dress.

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Photo Fabulous Tips- Children on Camera.

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

There are many, many reasons why I am happy to be a woman alive now, rather than in any other period in history. They veer on the serious (lower maternal and infant mortality, relatively equal rights, longer life expectancy) but there’s also one important one which is perhaps a little more frivolous. I love, love, love living in a time of digital photography. Taking millions of pictures of my family and being able to edit them is a wonderful luxury which I constantly give thanks for.

Here is me, taken with our new Christmas camera, performing ‘A Chubby Little Snowman’ with the girls!

I’ve asked Tamsin, our dear Bb London social marketing specialist, mum of two and brilliant photographer to write this blog entry. I thought it would be useful for her to share some tips on how to take good photos of children (hers are always fantastic although maybe it does help to have two photogenic boys who are sons of an actor so are very confident in front of a camera!)

The only extra one I would add is advice I once received from a super-creative creative director friend of mine (Marksteen) who said to me ‘just take LOTS of photos’. The brilliance of digital means you can do that and you’re much more likely then to capture a great one!

Photography Thoughts by Tamsin: Top Ten Tips for Children’s Shots
A lot of people will have been given a super-duper all-singing all-dancing SLR camera for Christmas this year. I’m lucky enough to already have one, and I like to look at other people’s cameras when I get the chance!

As a budding professional photographer, and someone who has spent more than her fair share of time behind the camera in TV production, I’ve seen many of these cameras being mis-used, or simply not being used to their full potential. I find it amazing how many people have wonderful cameras, boast about having been on several Photography Courses – and then don’t seem to be able to produce good photographs.

Here are my top tips for getting good shots with your lovely camera.

Firstly, get someone who knows about your camera – even if it is the man in the shop, to set your Auto Focus (AF) with a reasonable aperture and f-stop. This means that – in most lights, you can take a pretty good shot.

Don’t worry about trying to manipulate the focus manually until you know more about the camera. Use AF and start shooting straight away. The beauty of a digital camera is you can keep shooting and you won’t waste any film.

Before you get your camera out – decide what it is you basically want to shoot that day. If I’m going to a party, I decide ahead of time what I know I want to come home with – close up shots of people’s faces, or wide shots taking in the whole party? Your camera will do it all. If you are going to a Wedding, for example – it’s always wise to think about what combinations of people you’d like to get together. We’ve all come home and said ‘oh, we didn’t get one of so-and-so and so-and-so together’ etc, haven’t we?! Don’t be afraid to be slightly bossy, too – it can really pay off!

If you want to do a series of posed close-up shots of children then here are some rules:
1. Always, always look at your lighting first. If it is a bright sunny day, you don’t want the child to be blinking into the sun, so try to position yourself where the sun is behind the child. Alternatively – take them into the shade. Equally, if it is a very windy day and you’re shooting outside – think of finding a location that is more protected.

2. HAVE FUN. Children, especially (and even babies!) – will pick-up if you are anxious or bossy, or not happy. If you laugh and have a play with them, sit back and wait – they’ll give you some gems back.

3. One of the most common mistakes I see is people don’t look at the background when they take a shot. Try not to take a shot of a child in front of the dustbins, for example. It’s an amazingly simple and common mistake to make! I often look at the background first, then deliberately get my subject comfortable where I need them.

4. Before ‘clicking’ always double-check the framing of the shot. This makes the WORLD of a difference. If you take that 1 extra second to think ‘can I come in closer?’ or ‘do I need the tree in shot too?’ or ‘would this be better if I could see the puppy in her lap too?’ – it makes editing the shot afterwards so much simpler.

5. Ask the parent to make sure the child is dressed nicely – and always bring a change of clothes. You may find that the only background you can find is white – and horror, the child is dressed in white and will be a ‘floating head’. This would be a good time to suggest that they change into something a little more colourful!

6. Give them a toy that they love, something familiar.

7. If you can – put on their favourite music. I always make sure I have music or if we’re outside – bubbles, for little children.

8. Once the child is happy and relaxed, put a long lens on the camera, stand back and shoot.

9. If the child is very young, make sure that Mum is close by. You may have to take shots of the child in his or her parent’s arms.

10. Always remember that with all children – you have a finite amount of time before it becomes a chore. So shoot for a short time, then know when to put the camera down and relax.

Let us know what you think of the tips and if you have any more for us.

Shock and awww. (The first few days after having a baby….)

Friday, October 1st, 2010

My very smart, very organised, very lovely sister-in-law gave birth to her first child a week ago. I’m over the moon to have a new nephew and absolutely delighted for her. 

I’m also feeling sad that we don’t live a little nearer as I think that close girlfriends or family members who have recently given birth are very useful allies in the early days after having a baby.

Nobody could have prepared me for the tsunami of adoration and protectiveness I felt when Rosie was first born. But, there’s no denying it, the first few days and weeks were definitely a seismic shock.

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Rosie - the early days.

My sister who had been through it all ten years before was a godsend to talk to. My brother-in-law (her husband) was also helpful in an odd way. He told me and my better half to ‘prepare ourselves for six weeks of hell’. I thought it was unduly negative at the time but what he meant was that until the baby responds/smiles etc.it can be pretty hard.

My expectations were pretty low as a result of his comment so it was lovely to discover that the early days while definitely rather intense were not quite as bad as he’d painted things &, indeed, had moments of complete and utter joy.

I do love the wise words from Justine Robert (founder of mumsnet) who says she wishes all mothers could be issued with a fridge magnet saying ‘this is only a phase’.

The early days with babies change so quickly but you do feel as each bit will last forever. You won’t be breastfeeding every four hours for the rest of your life, your body won’t feel like that, the baby will change… this too will pass.

Another very good friend has had her second baby this week and she is very consciously savouring and treasuring each moment because she knows that the transformation is so quick – the tough times and the beautiful newborn treasure of it all – both change in the blink of an eye. An unforgettable time for everyone.

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